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| Wall mural in Jubilee Presbyterian Church – Reminded me of this beautiful verse from Matthew 6:26 “Look at the birds of the air, that they do not sow, nor reap, nor gather into barns, and yet your Heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not worth much more than they?” |
Prin-cess [prin-sis, -ses, prin-ses]
Noun
1. a non-reigning member of a royal family [OF GOD]
2. a daughter
3. a
Sources: www.dictionary.com + www.crystalpunybrain.heaven
This commission week began with a really insightful programme. Right at the start, we had Rev. Dr. Andrew Peh who spoke to us pertaining to the theology of mission! What was more awakening was the little quiz that he gave us, everything regarding missions! As he spoke, I was reflecting on what he meant by the ‘theology of missiology’ – sounds really big ya? Albeit a rather heavy sharing for a small brain like myself, I was thankful firstly to be able to stay awake, and secondly, to have gained some interest in missiology (in all honesty).
Indeed, since the second week of the STEP programme, I have been asking myself ‘what does it mean to do missions?’ ‘do I necessarily have to go overseas in order to be a missionary for God?’ ‘how can I successfully and efficiently do missions in a local context?’. I dwindled upon these questions as my fears of going for an overseas mission continue to strike my little brain.
I really salute all of you out there who went out of your comfort zone to do missions, because meanwhile, I am still in this constant struggle with myself to go on my very first mission trip overseas. Surely I have done many that are within my comfort zone in Singapore, and have been actively playing a part in spreading the word of God to the various people and groups of people I know in this little red dot. Yet, I feel this daunting sense of fear each time I think about going for overseas mission trip. Now, I ask myself “AM I QUALIFIED?”.
So, that very afternoon, we set off to the Onisimus garden at 40 Neo Tiew Road. The night before the trip, I recalled receiving a whatsapp message from Pastor Joshua reminding us of the things we should bring along to the farm. As I obediently scroll down the long and detailed lists of ‘things to bring’, my heart pounded upon reading ‘gloves for farming’! YOU MEAN CRYSTAL IS GOING TO DO HARVESTING? Telling my parents that have already sent off a big laughter right away, much less doing the real thing. I believed that it has come a really long way. When I first heard of a farm visit from Pastor Willy, I asked him with much innocence and excitement: ‘So we are going to ride on horse??’ Immediately, his reply came as a disappointment ‘ermm. No a vegetable farm’ DANG! THERE GOES THE HORSE RIDES FOR THE PRINCESS!! That very nigh before Monday, I prepared myself mentally for a farm trip since we are bound to do some hands on. I knew that was the first step out of my comfort zone. No more princess hands and timidity daintiness. JUST DO IT!
Pastor Andrew Choo’s sharing really spoke to me. He mentioned that we should SEE, HEAR and most importantly DO. In his words, ‘you hear, you do. You see you react’. I thought that was the greatest take away for me, and inside me, the struggle remained for the next few minutes. As we were toured around the farm, volunteers were asked to stop at various stations to help the people with what they were doing. If it wasn’t harvesting or plucking weeds, I would volunteer with much willingness, but as we toured, I felt God telling me to just give it a shot, to step out of my comfortable and new Toms shoes (yes, I was honestly sad when it got the first mud stepped on it by someone else) and hold that changkol to soften the soil. I couldn’t help but hold the tool in disbelief as carefully inch my way across the muddy grow beds. It was very discomforting. Nonetheless, I always believe that if God wants me to do something, He will always send some help! I was right! That very child-like faith totally came true! Immediately, I had Pastor Willy to come help me out perhaps cause I was looking really helpless, and I happily smiled as he took the changkol and soften the soil for me, showing me how to properly dig the roots up (and not just the weeds above). He said “you just FOLLOW ME’ behind” and I happily did! Although I did get a whole chunk of time killed by not hitting the soil, I have learnt something just by watching. I learnt that GOD IS GOOD!
As I took over the huge heavy annoying changkol, Pastor Willy went away and I was alone at the small patch for a few seconds. I felt like a real joke, unqualified to be even holding the tool simply because I don’t know how. But it wasn’t long before, angel Jonathan came along and started laughing a little when I told him all these roots couldn’t come out! He slowly taught me how to properly hold and use the changkol to uproot those annoying weeds – and he made it seemed as easy as pounding my toy play dough! I was deceived! It was nothing like that when I took over and began pounding the soil. On many occasions, the changkol got stuck, and Jonathon had to bend down each time to bring it out for me, and on many occasions, I continue to find myself hugging the soft comfortable bolster metal pole looking as if I was practicing pole dance (surely I wasn’t! I needed that rest!). People around remembered my whatsapp nickname as ‘princess crystal’ and started giggling away while they resonate with my pathetic situation then. Well, I’ve given my disclaimer right at the start! Princesses of God function slightly differently in this 21st century, RIGHT?
Well, you must be laughing/chuckling/giggling right now as you read this very honest reflection. But I just want to use this opportunity to encourage those who may be in the same boat as I am, those who are unable to fully step out of their comfort zone to serve in one way or another, those who have reservations about what God has called you to do, and those who are still waiting upon God. I hope that you will also be able to find that break through moment just like I did in the farm to step out into your discomfort zone to make a difference! (I hope I made a JOYFUL difference whacking the changkol a few times!)
Crystal Tang
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