This reflection will be short and sweet. Strangely, I did not arrive at this reflection directly through the STEP programme, but it was something that God revealed to me about myself. I hope this counts.
On the night when a Cabinet Minister came down to speak to us, I had a dinner appointment which I had made months before. The problem with that appointment was that it was supposed to begin at 6. The Minister’s meeting with us was scheduled for 7:30. As such, I would have had to rush from Jubilee to my dinner appointment, then back again. I was at a loss.
Wisdom, I learnt, is made up of 3 components. The first is the Bible, the second is the community, and the third is the Holy Spirit and reflection. We need input from all 3 in order to say that we have treated something with wisdom and consideration. Therefore, I attempted to consult all 3. I realised that going for either would have been acceptable. Experiencing the Minister’s wisdom and experience would have been extremely valuable, however so would have been the fellowship with my brothers and sisters in music ministry. Breaking a promise would be bad, having given my ‘yes’ months ago (Matthew 5:37). Torn between two commitments, I took the diplomatic, Singaporean route to try to satisfy both parties by making a compromise. I decided that I would go for the dinner with my friends at 6, and leave at 7 to be on time for Mr. Gan’s appearance.
Upon arriving at the dinner, because of late parties, we ended up ordering only at 6:30. Since it was a steamboat, having to wait for the water to boil, I only managed to take my first bite at 7, finishing my plate of food only at 7:30. As I was preparing to leave, amidst fierce resistance from my friends there, the ministry leader said something that stuck out from all the clamour.
“Matthew, if you leave now, you’ll be late. You should stay, leaving this dinner halfway and being late for the next one is being lukewarm.”
Although I knew that he was not referring to what the Bible says about lukewarmness (Revelation 3:16), that statement stopped me in my tracks. I knew that he was right, that I was being unfaithful to both STEP and my friends in treating my commitments to them in this way. Because of my attempt to be committed to both, I ended up being half-hearted. As I reflected on my way back to Jubilee, I realised that the same pattern had been showing in my life. In trying to be faithful to all my commitments and responsibilities, I have ended up being unfaithful to all of them. Because of that, I have built a reputation of being unreliable in church and among friends. My grades are suffering, and in attempting to make time for my hobbies, I have neglected my spiritual commitments.
Finally, I realised that I was being lukewarm in my relationship with God too. I was using all my busyness as an excuse to hide my lack of discipline in pursuing the wisdom of the Bible. The Minister said something at his session that I thought was related.
“If you truly have a heart to serve, you wouldn’t wait till you go into politics to do it. You would have started already.”
If I truly had a heart for God, I would have pursued Him with all my heart, soul, mind and strength, leaving everything behind, seeking first his kingdom and righteousness, letting Him decide which commitments should come first (Matthew 6:33). If I truly had a heart for God, His Word would already be first in my life, not all the other things.
I remember giving someone close to me an advice. I said that “commitment requires sacrifice.” I hope that I will be able to live out that statement, and sacrifice all to know the surpassing greatness that is God.
Matthew Saw
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