Childlike Faith - Amanda Pan

As young adults or grown-ups (though our parents would most probably beg to differ), we often like to think we know better. Whenever I see children in Sunday School memorizing Bible verses and singing praise songs at the top of their voices, it makes me wonder and sometimes even doubt if they really understand who God is. 

Over the past two weeks, we have been delving into theological education and the importance of it in understanding the God whom we proclaim to worship and adore. As I recall the sharing by Marianne on her experience with the children in South Africa, I was struggling to reconcile the pursuit of theological education and that of childlike faith. 

In Matthew 19:14, Jesus says “Let the little children come to me and do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of heaven.” From this, we know that God values the faith of young children because they are unassuming, trusting, dependent and most of all pure and innocent. They do not hold on to their possessions like adults do, they do not doubt but simply believe. This made me question the importance of being theologically educated in the eyes of God. Does God really require us to attain that much biblical knowledge or does He simply want us to believe and trust in Him? This question brought me in circles and so I had to seek the help of fellow STEP-ers. 

It turns out that I had interpreted innocence and trust incorrectly. God called us to have child-like faith and that does not equate to having blind faith. One of the greatest possessions man holds dearly to his heart is pride and self-centeredness which can be manifested in many forms. One of which is intellectual pride. 

When we pursue theological education with the goal of wanting to win an argument against an atheist, beneath this façade of upholding God’s truth lies an insidious motive of self-righteousness. As Christians, we must understand that ultimately, it is not the soundness of our arguments that leads another to believe in Christ but God’s grace through faith. It is His gift to us and not something which we can earn. This is a humbling truth that I sometimes still struggle to grasp, especially at the peaks of church ministry.

I would like to reconcile theological education and child-like faith as having the curiosity just like that of the children to want to know more about the mystery of God but not to acquire knowledge to fuel our intellectual pride. As children, we always ask ‘why’ and even though we do not fully comprehend the answers given to us, we do not doubt nor question the authenticity of the answer. It is this humility and selflessness which children possess that our Father values. Theological education (or at least a big part of it) is to help us understand God’s intention and not to justify our selfish and prideful ones. After all, will our being theologically educated guarantee our salvation? 

Amanda Pan

A Heart of Flesh - Amanda Pan

It is not unusual for us to identify ourselves by our current vocation. If you asked a university student this question, “What are you going to be next time?” A student studying Pharmacy would reply “Pharmacist”, another studying medicine would say a doctor. As a Psychology major, I thought that becoming a Psychologist or Counselor would have been my natural course of action. 

This was also reaffirmed by recent happenings in my life and I had always thought it was God’s way of telling me that I made the right choice to go into Psychology. I had been so sure about this until Thursday when something Pastor Gideon said made me question my conviction. “You don’t need Psychology to know how to counsel.” At that moment, my friends who knew I was studying Psychology all turned to look at me and I recall jokingly saying that I would quit school immediately. The cool front I put up then did not reveal the storm that was brewing in my mind. Many questions and doubts started to emerge and right then, I felt extremely nervous about my future.
 

Psychology claims that most disorders result from negative cognitions which are often translated into maladaptive behaviors. However, Matthew 15:11 which reads “What goes into someone's mouth does not defile them, but what comes out of their mouth, that is what defiles them", challenges this and implies that there is a deeper level to mental disorders than bad childhood experiences and negative cognitions. Just as how a good tree will not bear bad fruits but only good ones, a bad tree will only bear bad fruits but not good ones. The heart of the matter is actually the matter of the heart.
 

We have reduced the Word to a tool we use to counsel others instead of it being the shed in which we work. As God’s creation, we need our Creator who knows us best. When we don’t put God into the picture when trying to address issues of the heart, we only see the tip of the iceberg while the rest of it remains unraveled. This could be one of the main reasons why the chance of relapsing for mental disorders still remains high even with major advances in treatment methodology. We consult the help of psychologists who prescribe medication to suppress our negative emotions and all this does is to make it easier to control the physical manifestations of that reality. 

Cognitive treatments attempt to change the way we perceive the world but it does not involve the transformation of the soul (or spirit). This only goes to show the depravity of man, man’s need for God, and how we are like fish out of water the more we try to help ourselves without consulting the incomparable wisdom of the Lord most high. Without God, we are merely using filthy rags to wipe the stains on our hearts when what we really need is a complete change of heart which can only be accomplished by the work of the Holy Spirit.
 

This has been a subject of poignant interest for me and I have much to learn and internalize from what I heard on Thursday. I am still realigning and reconciling what I learn in Psychology with my identity in Christ but have since taken on a new perspective: Psychology is but a tool; the Word is my shed in which I work and being Christ’s follower is my vocation.

Amanda Pan

Knowing Our Roots and Growing Branches - Amanda Pan

I was reminiscing of the dearly missed History lessons I used to attend back in secondary school as I attended the last few days of seminars. However, the significant difference was that Christianity is not only directly relevant to my faith but my identity.  

These lessons have left me in awe of the richness of Christianity’s history, especially that of Presbyterianism. Understanding the significance of the Presbyterian emblem and the burning bush has greatly encouraged me to press on in my faith, especially in times of struggles and difficulties. 

Although I have yet to face serious persecution, I know that such times are inevitable as the years go by. To be burning and not be consumed is to persevere in the face of trials and tribulations and holding on to the hope from God’s promises.

It has always been a struggle for me to answer questions related to Presbyterianism before STEP. As a second generation Christian, I risked neither knowing nor questioning what being a Presbyterian really meant. It had never occurred to me how pertinent it was to possess (at least) a fundamental knowledge of Presbyterianism. 

Introspectively, I wonder about the many other Presbyterians in the world who have yet to find out about their roots and the importance of having such knowledge. Understanding my roots will not only help equip me with answers to questions regarding my denomination, but also to appreciate God’s development of the Christian faith over the past years in Singapore, South-East Asia (SEA) and even Europe. 

The seminar on Christianity in SEA by Dr. Violet James reminded me of the times I was preparing for my first mission trip to Thailand. I vividly recall learning about the Thai culture, practices, taboos and their warped and tainted understanding of Christianity due to the influence of animism. It was not till I arrived in Thailand did I realize how real and damaging syncretism was. Bringing syncretism back to the local context (and perhaps, on a more personal level), it is especially difficult for the older generation to get rid of deep-rooted misconceptions of Christianity. 

While it is important to eradicate syncretism and maintain the authenticity of Christianity, exhibiting sensitivity and the love of Christ in dealing with this issue is imperative. What this really implies is that the great commission and mission work whether global or local, are not easy tasks. In John 6:44, Jesus says that “No one can come to me unless the Father who sent me draws him”. Therefore, we have to continually pray for the softening of hearts, especially for those whom we are intending to reach out to.

I am personally challenged to be less inward-looking regarding my faith. Although it is important to continually examine my personal relationship with God, I have come to realize my neglect of the much bigger picture and purpose of Christ and His great Commission for us as His disciples. It remains a concern for me to grow not only in depth but also in breadth in my relationship with the Lord. Not only to be rooted in Christ, but also to be His hands and feet in reaching out to those who do not yet know Him. 

Amanda Pan

What Does It Mean to be Theologically Educated? - Amanda Pan

Over the past week of seminars, I have learnt that holistic theological education encompasses both in direct and indirect aspects. My perception of theological education was merely the equipping of Christians to spread the word. 

However, what struck me the most was when Dr. Simon Chan said that theological education happens all the time, whether we are aware of it or not. Theological education is not just a degree, a certification or the attainment of a set of knowledge and skills; it is the basis of how we live out our lives as Christians. Just as how our actions can undermine the truths of our faith, they can also amplify them. 

My STEP cohort was very blessed to have Crystal’s dad graciously offer to send us to the two theological schools (TTC and SBC) for two consecutive days. As he was afraid of the lack of room for too many passengers, he ended up driving a 30-seater bus for just 12 people! He did this even though it meant sacrificing his two days of leave which was supposed to be for rest. He is a perfect example of the indirect aspect of theological education. His selfless act demonstrated Jesus’ commandment to love thy neighbor, which is the very truth that we are called to live out as Christians.

Just as it might seem that I am implying that indirect theological education is more than enough to spread the gospel, it might appear that there may not be such a pressing need to undergo such a rigorous college curriculum after all. 

However, the seminar by Dr. Simon Chan made me realize that while overtly living truths in the Bible are important, having a solid understanding and skill to verbalize the reasons and explanations behind our actions are equally necessary. Knowing why we do what we do will aid us in differentiating right from the wrong and not be confused by the world’s perspective on certain issues. With the emerging spate of controversial social issues such as the LGBT movement or church fund embezzlements, this knowledge is crucial in following biblical truths and defining our stand.

I am very thankful for the freedom and opportunity to pursue formal theological education in Singapore. To witness young adults who are so passionate about serving Christ in the STEP program has been a huge encouragement to me. The past week in the STEP program has offered me a glimpse into the curriculum of theological education. It has definitely sparked an interest in me to consider post-graduate theological studies. Although I am uncertain about this at present, I pray that God will give me the courage to seriously consider embarking on such a journey in future and not follow the conventions of the world.

Amanda Pan