“As for you, you were dead
in your transgressions and sins, in which you used to live when you followed
the ways of this world and of the ruler of the kingdom of the air, the spirit
who is now at work in those who are disobedient. All of us also lived among
them at one time, gratifying the cravings of our flesh and following its
desires and thoughts. Like the rest, we were by nature deserving of wrath. But
because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with
Christ even when we were dead in transgressions—it is by grace you have been
saved. And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly
realms in Christ Jesus, in order that in the coming ages he might show the
incomparable riches of his grace, expressed in his kindness to us in Christ
Jesus. For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not
from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast.
For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God
prepared in advance for us to do.”
~ Ephesians 2:1-10
~ Ephesians 2:1-10
If I am to sum up the essence of what
it means to be a Presbyterian, I believe Ephesians 2:1-10 to be the epitome of
Presbyterianism belief. In this essay, I will give a summary of the history of
Presbyterianism and John Calvin, share my personal thoughts throughout this
program and how STEP has impacted me as a Christian.
Presbyterianism emerged in the 16th
Century during the time of Protestant Reformation. These reformed churches were
majorly influenced by Huldrych Zwingli (1484 – 1531) and John Calvin (1509 –
1564), whose theological beliefs relied heavily on the authority of the Word of
God in Scripture.
John Calvin, who was known to be the
most important theologian in the Reformed family, focused mainly on the
transcendence of God that He is infinite and is not restricted by the
boundaries of space, time, knowledge and power. He also stressed on being Christ-centric
where believers are to know that Jesus is God and the redemption work He has
done for all. Calvin’s Doctrine also included election and predestination, a
topic that is controversial though centuries and even up to this day.
“A 3rd generation Christian”
I give thanks to God for the precious
opportunity to be here at STEP 2018, I am also grateful to my dear brothers and
sisters in Christ who have spent time praying together with me for God to make
a way for me to be here. I know that God must have a purpose for me to be here,
and that this program gave me the exposure and space to strengthen my faith in
Christ and affirm my identity as a Presbyterian.
This is a far cry from who I used to
be – one who looked like a Christian, but in actuality, lived without any
regard or reverence for God. When I was a child, I regularly attend church
every Sunday and was the model student in Sunday school, oftentimes answering
questions because of the “rich” knowledge of the Bible. But there was one thing
I lack – faith. I knew of God’s existence but because I did not have faith, the
knowledge seemed fictional. Nothing was real, God was dead to me.
Dead in your transgressions and sins,
deserving of wrath
Little did I
know that it’s not God, but me who is dead.
“For
all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.” ~ Romans 3:23
“For
the wages of sin is death” ~ Romans 6:23a
I was spiritually dead in my
transgression and sin. Despite having great knowledge of the Bible and being
exposed to Christianity at a young age, I did not believe what was said of God
and turned a blind eye to what God was doing in my life. With my finite
knowledge about life, I wanted to be independent and make “wise” decisions on
my own. I was prideful and refused to seek God on any of these decisions I was
making. These decisions spiralled down to a long season of (emotional) pain and
suffering, but on hindsight, I see that this has been a blessing in disguise. I
will share more later J
During this program, there were
several instances I find my “old Adam” coming back to haunt me. There were
times I have been selfish, reluctant to share or give others what I have, other
times where I was prideful, thinking of myself as better than another, and even
times where I may have been judgmental towards my fellow interns in this
program. I know that this revelation is from the Holy Spirit, steering me
towards sanctification. It was painful to see the ugliness of my heart and the
helplessness I felt in these emotions, but this realization deepened my gratefulness
for God in my life and made me more convinced that no one/nothing else can love
me more than Jesus Christ Himself – the only One who loves me in my
wretchedness.
Because of His great love & mercy
If love has to be earned, I might
spend my entire lifetime attaining it. But this would all be in vain because
love can never be earned. Love can only be given. This was shared during a
lecture on Presbyterianism: Calvinists believe that God, in His mercy, chose to
extend His grace to many to save them from condemnation. He chooses based on
His good pleasure and sovereignty. There was nothing in me that is deserving of
being chosen, yet in love, He chose me.
Growing up, being the eldest has been
very stressful because of the expectations of my parents to set a good example
for my siblings and the responsibilities that came along with this status. Love
seemed to come with a price tag of being perfect. Acceptance seemed to come
with a price tag of being who I am not.
The innate desire for true love and
acceptance propelled me to seek human relationships throughout my teenage
years. I will often perform beyond expectations, to be the perfect friend, to
do what I know best. But each relationship always ended up in rejection, and
each rejection pushed me to the extremity of perfection as a new relationship
came along. I was so good at being a perfect person that I did not want anyone
to know the real me.
Ultimately, it was the cost of a dear
friendship that woke me up to reality and allowed me to return to God once
again.
“To
be loved but not known is comforting but superficial.
To be known and not loved is our greatest fear.
But to be fully known and truly loved is, well, a lot like being loved by God.
It liberates us from pretence, humbles us out of our self-righteousness and fortifies us for any difficulty life can throw at us.”
To be known and not loved is our greatest fear.
But to be fully known and truly loved is, well, a lot like being loved by God.
It liberates us from pretence, humbles us out of our self-righteousness and fortifies us for any difficulty life can throw at us.”
-
Timothy
Keller
While I was at STEP, I am reminded that
Love has found me in my wretched state, Love has accepted me in my brokenness
and Love has loved me since the beginning of time. And today, He wants me to
share His love with others who do not know Him. I always thought I knew how to
share this love I have received, but it is in participating in the Senior
Activity Centre and Healthserve that I realized how shallow and selective my love
for people is. May God help me to examine my heart and humble myself to learn
from Him what it means to love others with the capacity of God’s love.
God was gracious to me to have sent me
2 older sisters in Christ when I was at my wits’ end. Through their support,
prayers, and counsel, they encouraged me to be in a relationship with Jesus,
talking to Him about everything and choosing to trust in Him over myself when
making decisions. I was also encouraged to be myself, since God already knew me
inside out, past, present and future. Initially, it was very difficult and
tempting to go back to my old habits of depending on myself and sourcing for
love and acceptance with human relationships, but slowly, I found myself
trusting in God more and even notice myself growing in dependence towards God.
Presbyterianism also taught of the
term “Limited Atonement” where it is believed that God offers salvation to all but
only the Elect will respond. I am thankful that God has given me a second
chance to respond, where I have once rejected Him, but because of His grace, I
am given another opportunity to respond and say “Yes” to Him. Today, I can
trust God to strengthen and sustain me as He will not allow me to fall from
grace. My salvation depends on God alone, and the seal of the Holy Spirit
guarantees my salvation and that I belong to God. This gives me an assurance
that He has got me safe in His hands, in good times and bad. When my faith is
feeble and weak, He is strong for me.
Conclusion: God’s handiwork, created
in Christ Jesus to do good works
There is still so much to learn, and
so much to reflect upon in this program. Being in STEP has been a huge blessing
God has given to me as it gives me insight on the rich culture and history of
Presbyterian Churches and what it means to be a Presbyterian. I believe that
this is a missing piece I need to be convicted of the place I am at, and a call
to be faithful in what God has called me to do. As the program comes to an end,
it is my earnest prayer that each of us will not forget what we have
experienced and learnt here, and that we may continue to be faithful and to
keep up the good fight by carrying on the legacy of Presbyterianism and its
practices here in Singapore.
“Here I am,
Lord. Send me.”
References
Chan,
Rev. Peter. John
Calvin and His relevance for today. STEP:
Synod Training & Exposure Programme. Singapore : s.n., 2018
Chan,
Rev. Peter.
Presbyterianism. STEP: Synod Training
& Exposure Programme. Singapore : s.n., 2018
