Am I Too Dumb - Sarah Tan

"Am I too dumb?"

I stepped into the second half of the second week of STEP with much anticipation and yet as I type in this otherwise blank document and reflect on the past few days, I am filled with a cocktail of inferiority and, slowly but surely, comfort. 



In this reflection paper, I will not be sharing on what I have learnt from the talks but rather, some things that The Lord has impressed upon my heart as a result of the talks.



The talk on Christianity & Science was one that I was really looking forward to, for I have came across many conversations and heated debates regarding this topic during my General Paper lessons in Junior College. As the talk on went on, I must admit that the hope of being able to understand all that was being expounded on slowly faded as I was not able to catch up. Honestly, I felt that it was getting too deep and beyond what I was capable to comprehend. Feeling intimidated and overwhelmed by the eloquence of others, I thought (bluntly) to myself, "am I too dumb?". 



This question then stuck on with me for the past three days but as I pen this in the minds of strangers and doubters alike, I am brought to this question - What lies have I been bought into that have made me gave in to inferiority? 



Undeniably, we each have our own set of strengths and weaknesses. We cannot run from the latter. But what was revealed to me was the very fact that God has created each and every one of us differently. I am special in my own way, the 'Sarah way'. I may not be good in grasping theological ideas quickly but I learn to make it up by doing my own research, findings and to understand them slowly on my own. And I think it is so amazing how God has made me realise this by myself during my own Quiet Time this morning, before I embarked on writing this reflection. 



There will be, and have been, many times when I doubt myself if I am qualified, if I am even good enough, if I am ready to go whenever and wherever He calls. But as I conclude the past two amazing weeks in STEP, I have learnt that as long as I acknowledge, seek and trust Him and His Sovereignty, I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength. Although it may be a difficult discipline to instil especially when times get too trying and negativity clouds my view, but I am bent on working on it. There will then be no space for inferiority and doubt in my life.
 

The boat is shaken,
and the waves are strong.
But Lord of all,
I will fix my eyes
on You

Sarah Tan