I had not realise how much theology has been imparted/indoctrinated in us every week through worship proceedings and the monthly Holy Communion. It feels almost as if I have taken it for granted. All the years in my life, I had not questioned why worship followed a specific order or why we had to sing some specific songs before/after a proceeding. The Theology of Worship session by Rev Tan Thiong Ann has finally unravelled and taught me the biblical understandings, reasons, and theology behind all these. What left me stunned was that our Presbyterian worship revolves around the Trinitarian God:
"We come before God the Father and His Promise
And because of the Son, we can stand in front of God
With the Holy Spirit among us."
(I may have heard wrong, but its something like that!)
During devotion that morning, we were asked to discuss what worship meant to us. A friend said, "Do you know what is the difference between 'praise' and 'worship'? 'Praise' is something anyone can give and receive. For example, a mother praises her child. 'Worship' is something you cannot readily give to or receive from anyone. It is for a higher being." Well, one may say that we have our own pop singers or actresses whom we worship and adore, but this basis of adoration and worship is built upon reasons that are human and subjective (e.g. X is so handsome and sings and dances so well, therefore I worship the ground he walks on). However, God offers none of such "attractive" attributes to 引诱 us. To me, worship has always been a personal affair with God. Maybe in the past I used to harbour that same mentality (e.g. God is good, therefore I worship Him).
What Rev. Tan mentioned about worship and feelings resonated very well with me. He emphasized that worship is not about feelings, it is NOT subjected to feelings. However, it is a response to the divine being, and the knowledge of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit that is among us. Sometimes I struggle with the worry that it is my feelings which 'govern' my worship to God or 'lead me to have a more effective' worship. I play the keyboard for service in church and sometimes find myself worrying over playing the wrong notes, or oh no what fill-ins should I do. Therefore I am overly careful with making sure the notes I play are correct and thus start to lose focus on God during worship. I realise that I should not let this get in my way of worshipping God for who He is (not for what I am doing/who I am etc. it is not about me), and not trouble my mind over my imperfections when He is the greater One in this.
In the past, I used to find it easier to connect with God while being surrounded by nature. I think nature helps me feel at peace and it is therefore 'easier' to 'experience' God or to communicate with Him without the distractions of technology. But again, this seems to be focused on my feelings! I had been using 'there isn't enough nature around me' as an excuse for not making effort to talk to God. God doesn't want us to wait for the 'right feel' at the 'right time' before worshipping Him.
The Holy Spirit dwells among us, and therefore we are in solidarity with God. Nothing more or less that we do can change His love for us. This is something too beautiful that I cannot comprehend. And because I see God's hands or His blessings in my surroundings and people around me, I can't help but believe in Him and worship Him. I no longer need a 'right feel' and 'right time', nor do I need to reason that God is good/kind/merciful/etcetcetc before I worship Him. Because knowing all that He has done for us, the blessings He has bestow upon us, I can't help but be thankful and worship Him.
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| This is Prapat Beach, and the Andaman Sea. This beach stretched for miles and had a very wide shore (because of the tsunami 2004). This is quite an ugly picture of the otherwise pretty beach. I was alone on this beach because I woke up earlier than the others and decided to spend some time to myself and God. It was the first time I ever felt so small in this world and realised how tiny and insignificant a human being is. I prayed to God, and the moment I looked up, I saw a rainbow (can you see it??) which lasted only a minute or two. And this is how I constantly feel each day: humbled and awed by God, and thankful for the littlest things in life. |
Michelle Quak
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