As my first piece of reflection, I would like to start starting feelings about STEP as well as what I see or hope to see myself becoming at the end of these 3 weeks. I’ll take this as a mini goal setting for myself, or at least a starting point to where I am to grow (no matter how little).
I am currently waiting to matriculate into NUS, in August. I had just ended my stint as a relief teacher and was just wondering what I was going to do for the next few months. Then, one random day, I was informed about an internship opportunity by Synod. At first, I was apprehensive, as I had participated in a church internship 2 years ago. However, when I found out that the other 4 participants from my church were also ex-interns, I decided to give it a go. It was a spontaneous decision, and I did not know what to expect.
Yesterday, 18 May, a random number (Nic Khaw) suggested meeting up for breakfast. That single suggestion sparked a whole varied response, which really made the whole Whatsapp group chat more “friendly”. One (Benedict) sent a cute picture, one (Matthew) sang a beautiful response. It was really spontaneous and even though we did not know many, we just met up to get to know one another. It was pretty amazing.
The enthusiasm and excitement really got to me knowing that there were others who shared the same anticipation for this new journey. Meeting up early in the morning for you tiao and dau huay with potential new friends made everything seem more exciting. Getting to know them better during the icebreakers and brainstorming of questions about New and Old Testament fueled this eagerness about the next 3 weeks. Meeting church youth leaders who have the same passion for Christ refreshing and I am really looking forward to the many things that we learn with and from each other.
There was one particular moment that made me suddenly aware of my lacking. During the discussion about preparing for devotion, another group requested for a change in date with my group (from Day 1 to Day 5). My immediate reaction was “Noooo!” Then there was a short awkward silence. Adriel, on the other hand, very composed. He had a thoughtful look on his face and then he replied slowly, “Hmmm… I guess that would not be much of a problem.” (And to be honest, it was not a problem at all.) But that moment made me rethink about my response. It was really inappropriate.
My reaction totally did not go through my brain at all, it was uncalled for and was definitely not how a youth leader should have reacted. Adriel’s reaction was definitely given more thought and hence he was able to respond in a much more appropriate manner. I personally feel that a leader should at least display certain ability in thinking through his decisions before responding, something that was not very integral in me. But I believe recognizing one’s lacking is the first step in seeking improvement. I am really glad that the Lord has brought me here. Not only am I able to fortify my understand about Him but I’m sure that He will help me become better prepared to step up to my duties through interaction with other youth leaders. No matter how lacking we may seem now, through Him all it possible. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”
"Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." (2 Corinthians 12:9-10)
Joshua Xie
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